Even More Woodchuck Morris Facts
Hey yo! We celebrate new episodes of Numb Chucks on Tuesdays at 4:30pm and Wednesdays at 3:30pm by presenting the best Woodchuck Morris facts! This is Part 2 of 4!
26. Woodchuck Morris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
27. Woodchuck Morris made a Happy Meal cry.
28. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Woodchuck Morris.
29. They once made a Woodchuck Morris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take crap from anybody.
30. When Woodchuck Morris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
31. Woodchuck Morris destroyed the periodic table, because Woodchuck Morris only recognizes the element of surprise.
32. Woodchuck Morris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
33. Woodchuck Morris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun. He won.
34. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Woodchuck Morris.
35. Woodchuck Morris can hear sign language.
36. Everyone knows the speed of light... Woodchuck Morris knows the speed of darkness.
37. Woodchuck Morris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
38. Woodchuck Morris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
39. Woodchuck Morris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
40. Woodchuck Morris does not fart, nothing escapes Woodchuck Morris.
41. Woodchuck Morris can unscramble an egg.
42. Woodchuck Morris can suffocate a pillow with a man.
43. Woodchuck Morris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
44. Woodchuck Morris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
45. Woodchuck Morris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
46. Woodchuck Morris can speak French... In Russian.
47. Woodchuck Morris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline.
48. Woodchuck Morris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
49. A bulletproof vest wears Woodchuck Morris for protection.
50. Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Woodchuck Morris is called logic.
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